Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and it's OK to express grief: "You're grieving the loss of this relationship, what . Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2022. My Husband Left Me After Nine Years And Will Not Talk To Me I am so desperate not knowing how to get out of it. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Though I miss him and would love for him to be at home with us, he refuses to get psychological help Therefore, I believe its better hes gone. Submit your own storyhere, andsubscribeto our free newsletter for our best stories. My eldest 10. My husband left me citing this as the only reason. Our marriage had had its problems but we were so strong we had overcome everything. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. Weve been together just over 5 years and what I thought was happily married for almost 3. Well she had this doctor at a private office that she worked with get him to start prescribing mess for her. I asked him to leave in my anger and three days later while I was at work he moved out without telling me. This is one of the most common reasons people leave a relationship. She went off to Arizona to stay with friends and get away from me. Im so hurt n lost. He just kept saying it was his problem. I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didnt want to be in. . She recently lost her father and she had hatred for her step mom not letting my wife have a relationship with her father. Stay Focused, Pray, Keep Faith and Believe . Slightly distant. Any time i try to talk to her to tell her the pain I am going thru being apart from my kids and missing her but she gets upset then she blocks my phone and texts. Well I went deer hunting with our son and had left her at the house with our daughter which was in 7 th grade at the time. Dont fall in the trap of feeling sorry for him, though. She use to tell me I was a good man and was so good to her. How do You recover or get over something like this??? So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. I am sorry I implied anything else regarding that. As of now, it has left me heartbroken. You knew I would beg at your feet. They got a place July 3. Not 2 weeks after she left she told me she has to learn to love herself get things good with the kids then we can work on us. In many cases, there were no common interests to start with, making coming back together even harder. But its almost sociopathic, I think, to be so accommodating to the same person that you were in a self- described toxic relationship with and a partner that you couldnt ever communicate with and now be completely calm and methodical with. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. he still love his ex wife and tell to my face that his only pretending to love me all this years. I need advice. I fell deeply and it was the hardest six months of my life. Its also a safe space where you can be vulnerable and honest with them. My divorce is in two weeks. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, its very important that you get immediate help! I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. We have some communication issues to work on (as well as emotional maturity on my partner's side), but otherwise it's functional and I'm mostly happy . I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. She told me she is falling for another man. I honestly thought she would grow up over the years or I could save her. My heart is broken beyond repair. Weve never lost our affection and it seems to me that Im the one who is expected to do all the changing. This may have nothing to do with you so giving him some space and trying to be supportive for now might help. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. Btw she is the only family i have here and i cant get past the fact that she doesnt love me anymore She is 49 and lives abroad and never married. Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. I am in therapy because of my anger towards her because of all the things she did to hurt our family. A few weeks have now passed and Xmas has come and gone and no kids for me, nothing. and there is hope. According to Han, finding that connection in family and friends quickly can be very important, especially if children are involved. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. Im sorry you misunderstood I feel bad for those who do, because I dont even understand it. Hi CassieD! It will be awful and painful and confusing. I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. See a priest. Insert sarcasm lol. Where are you at spiritually and mentally? Hello all im still Jon.and yes Im still sad and miserable and confused and lonely.. Really sucks actually knowing it was never a mistake or anything like that. My wife left 11/15/15. But the two most common triggers of severe dog depression are the loss of a companion animal or the loss of an owner. Well me and my wife had problems and being in a job that moves me for months at a time doesnt help. I never wanted any sort of separation or break. *the relationship feels like too much work. He is not the man I have been with for the last 15 years He insisted I shouldnt go. Put my foot down and told her if she ditches us again that weekend I would be done. I am truly sorry to hear that this happened to you. A homeowner was coming over to car to see if everything was okay and my son grabbed bottle and stuffed it between the seat she was out of it and managed to get back to the house where my son wanted to go home. Not when I didnt know was coming, and the whole world was shocked to hear that the one couple who had it together is now falling apart. I am a strong person, that helps. A few days prior she said she reflected and love me and wanted me but then he showed up. Best! Very interesting info!Perfect just what I was searching for! Hey guys:) go to church! What determines a family in 2019? So its interesting that he would say that wasnt good enough for me, that I wasnt there for him all he wanted was for someone to love him and listen to him. I guess working 2 jobs and taking care of the kids and the house. Even after this I still love/loved him, but I had no idea what to do or how to proceed. I was so scared and so alone and it was all of a sudden. Wishing you the best, Falling out of love in a marriage happens over time and is usually due to neglect on the part of one or both partners. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. Let him know you are very serious and you have reached your breaking point. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. He made me feel like it was me, I realized later it was not and can not believe I spent so much time allowing him to make me feel this way. I must also add that I am an incredibly honest person and I have never been afraid to tell people exactly what I think I could never disapline them. I had made all the food and he had left it all behind. I served honorably for 27 years in the Army, receiving the highest peacetime award for my service. You will get all the blame and even find yourself thinking maybe it WAS your fault ! I later found out she moved into the house her male boss was selling. Take care my friend it will get better and thank God you arent 58 like me There are all kinds of ways to tell if people are depressed. Granted, I was pretty screwed up but I found a new place, was diagnosed with PTSD, arranged therapies, and prepared to leave. Always preoccupied doing something other than anything that would require real effort. Anyone in your situation would be willing to do anything to save their relationship, but broken trust and betrayal like this is very hard to get over. But Im not saying that you should give up on your marriage and move on with your life. Im no angel to live with but I always saw us together until the end. Wife Abandonment - My Husband Has Suddenly Left me - Vortex Success Technically, there was no reason that I should have still been in such pain yet I was. Where are you located? Feeling an onslaught of negative emotions may make you want to reach for things that can immediately make you feel better. So I do understand what I am going through and why. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, pretending your heart isn't broken, or putting up walls so you don't get hurt again. *they feel smothered I know it sounds stupid but I am still so in love with him and so upset Im still hoping he will come back this time. In thinking about it, I realized that my pain was like a SEIZURE of sorts a *continuous* seizure (the neurologist agreed with my assessment); a signal to my brain that wouldnt turn off. I had to get a lawyer in another town, because of the good old boy club there. Marriage abandonment can be the result of many factors, including: If youre wondering what to do when your husband or wife abandons you or your partner suddenly leaves, turning to family and friends for immediate support can be invaluable. We separated, married other people, which we both confessed to each were the wrong people. If you dont nurture your marriage it will wither and die. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. I have never done this before. Our problems began about 5 months ago. Hi my husband has a habit, of being with me for about 4-5months , then takes off to do any and every thing for about two weeks . Its not you though,youjust do your best for your kids and do your best to just move on. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. It does not DEFINE you. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. My niece has cancer and dying. And the same is true of your new companion. It is so hard I know.. but Im living proof that you can and will trust again if you allow yourself to believe. I see him on occasion for months have passed since we actually exchanged any communication, recently exchange some emails regarding my children who are now a senior in high school and a sophomore in college. I been with my sons father for 8 years and throughout the whole 8 years he never treated me like a real person he always treated me like I was one of his friends and I never had the respect given from him to me but anyhow I stayed in this relationship it was rocky on and off I even left eight months in 2013 and he came back in 2014 of December and things have not been right every since I asked him cuz he have a history of cheating on me while we were in our relationship and always ask about other people were there at and why do you choose to keep coming back well I got a bit of a surprise in January of 2015 I was with him and that was the last time Ive been with him I found out that he have had a friend on the side and Im actually okay with that because the relationship has been rocky since the beginning so I just want to know why he didnt tell me straight forward that he was leaving me for another woman. The whole that used to be my heart was devastated. I know your heart is broken, but you need to understand that your husband may have left because he was unhappy and wanted something better. I have been madly in love with this woman for the 12 years weve known each other, and of course I was devastated. Also, start shopping for insurance now. We are both 60, we have a son of 23 and a daughter of 20 about to go to uni. we were happyhappy for 2 years. I feel so antisocial and can barely muster the will to concentrate on a movie. More must be done. Wow. You worry about getting your head right, and moving on. Same situation, married 18 years, 2 girls.not sure if she had somebody else, but I have a feeling,,,wont talk to me at all. This may help resolve the issue. I would of course have to impose new rules to our relationship after finding out that shes been deceiving everyone, but I would give her a second chance. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. she just left everything behind, to be happy somewhere else. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. I have found pills over and over hidden in her car before she totaled it . I try to tell her shes embarrassing herself my kids and me with her behavior but she doesnt care. Take care. The effects of both of those events, coupled to an unloved / loving home run by a dictator and supported by my mothers passiveness, my sexuality was warped and I became very adept at being alone. He explained he needed to find himself and deal with all the shitty things and pain he had caused to others. He just kept saying it was 'his problem.' I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didn't want to be in. Is he struggling with finances? She has lied to them and been found out. Getting in touch with a professional relationship coach is one of the best things you can do in order to start taking care of yourself and living a fulfilling and happy life. I was left an emotional and physical wreck by this man who now controls our young adult children in the same manner and through manipulation, self pity and denouncing me to them, he tries to make them dislike and disrespect me. They might stop eating or eat more to dull the pain. I know he did this to keep them as Daddys girls. She sounds like shes crazy now. My lawyer was shocked too and worked hard at just getting the things my mom gave me. I am going to visit my parents and I will be back. Cant sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. I felt like I couldnt breathe, there was a tightness across my chest and I carried it around for months. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. I hold my vows very close to my heart. And you will get there. We have a 5yr old a 2yr old and a 4 week old. A year and a half has passed and she calls me one day, we broke up and I need your help with the kids. My counselor(s), have said he is a sick person. Must be so difficult to know that you gave up all this time and energy and money to only be crapped on by someones narcissism. Get pleasable. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less I totally agree, people shouldnt feel like they can just leave if the spark is not there anymore. She seemed to be in conflict with herself yet on my level entirely. They may view the depression as an anchor that will take you both down. Of course, you work. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything you asked for. I was the best husband I could be and we have a ten year old son together. Next thing I knew, he was upstairs in our house while I was downstairs. What about: Then I returned to the essence of me. Read more inspiring stories of single moms: At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he hated me, wished I was dead. I am 28.after 5 year of marriage my wife left me.our relationship was role model in the society.I had just started to earn the best salary which could be enough for our happy future but she has left me and I think there is value of the money.she was satisfied with every angle including sexual too.but suddenly she changed decision and staying with her parents.cant believe. We have two girls 5 and 8. From the Spouse of a Narcissist: Here's What You Need to Know I let her go once before many years ago and it was truly the biggest mistake of our lives. My husband from the time they were little. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. Terrific article, and do agree as my special area is helping couples reignite that passion, trust, desire. After everything promises etc he leaves again. I was devastated. I cry everyday and have been in bed with no desire to do anything. I cant stop crying but dont know what to think. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. There are thousands, probably even millions of people in the world right now whove been through this situation. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. And moved in with one of our daughters (the mother of our grand babies) he stayed six weeks before her husband couldnt take it any more. What Im trying to say is that it becomes about saving face. We stayed in contact each time she moved, she slept over here or I slept over there. I reached out to her parents for support. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. Coming back from an affair is possible, but most often the trust is severed and cannot be recovered. "My husband left me and I still love him": 14 tips if this is you I wish I could take the pain away!I cant bear the thought this might take years to get over.
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